


I talk to Callum (Mary-Sue)

by china_shop



Category: Canadian Actor RPF, Fandom RPF
Genre: Crack, Dialogue-Only, F/M, Fic, Mary Sue, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-10
Updated: 2005-12-10
Packaged: 2017-10-13 00:24:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/130773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/china_shop/pseuds/china_shop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Callum: You're deranged.<br/>me: No, no this makes sense. Listen, so I know Ray, and Ray is like a part of you, right? Because it's like "write what you know", but with acting. Isn't it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I talk to Callum (Mary-Sue)

**Author's Note:**

> I was talking to damned_colonial about Mary-Suing oneself, and dug this out of an old email, which I have previously been too ashamed to post.
> 
> My shame is apparently ebbing, though. Be very afraid.
> 
> This is what happens when I try to write me/CKR (this is really part of the cruiseliner oeuvre).

**me:** Here's the thing...  
 **Callum:** What thing?  
 **me:** Shhhh! I'm trying to say. (looks embarrassed) Okay, so the thing is this. (pause)  
 **Callum:** Uh-huh?  
 **me:** (blushes more) I'm _getting_ there. (deep breath) Okay. It's just that, uh... I don't really know you.  
 **Callum:** (looks quizzical) You just noticed this _now_?  
 **me:** Nooo, but you know, I had this _idea_ of you, and it's not... (deep breath) See, I don't know _you_ , but I know _Ray Kowalski_... well, as much as pretty much anyone else knows Ray Kowalski. Except for Stella and Fraser. And you. I guess.  
 **Callum:** You're deranged.  
 **me:** No, no this makes sense. Listen, so I know Ray, and Ray is like a part of you, right? Because it's like "write what you know", but with acting. Isn't it?  
 **Callum:** (confused) What?  
 **me:** Yeah. So maybe if you could just kind of be Ray...  
 **Callum:** You really are deranged.  
 **me:** (in a rush) ...because that'd be kind of hot, and then it wouldn't be like I didn't know you at all.  
 **Callum:** You do realise that Kowalski is a fictional character, right?  
 **me:** No? I mean, uh, so? So what? Do you want to get laid or not?  
 **Callum:** Okay, okay. (shakes head) I just have to get into character. (stops and looks at me) Kowalski would never sleep with you.  
 **me:** (affronted) Why not?  
 **Callum:** You're not his type. Look at you. He goes for those tiny skinny blonde chicks, like Stella.  
 **me:** He went for Fraser!  
 **Callum:** He what?  
 **me:** (backtracking wildly) He went, uh, _with_ Fraser. Into the snow. At the end of Call of the Wild. Perhaps he's changed. You know, the arctic changed him.  
 **Callum:** So what you're saying is, you know Ray Kowalski but he's changed so really no one knows him. Is that what you're saying?  
 **me:** (small voice) Yeah?  
(the both of us stare at each other for a while)  
Callum sighs.  
 **me:** Wanna make out?


End file.
